Thoughts for the universe

So, it's early and I'm still up after putting Abby down for Scott after he fed her. I would like to be sleeping but it seems best at times to stay up after she goes down because it doesn't usually take long for her to cry because her soothie has fallen out or something else is wrong in her tiny universe. If I go back to bed I will have just reached that almost asleep state where I get EXTREMELY cranky about having to get up with Abby again and I don't like the way it makes me feel toward my family.

So, the purpose of my post. I have come to realize that it is ok and probably even healthy for me to admit when I am struggling. I come from a family where admitting weakness and struggles isn't really done but I am trying to move past that. So, here goes:

I STRUGGLE WITH FEELNG REALLY DEPRESSED SINCE I'VE HAD ABIGAIL.

I thought for a long time that it was just the baby blues and that it would pass. And just when I would get to the point where I was thinking about asking for help I would have a couple of good days and think that things were going to be fine. This is me saying that it's okay to struggle. If you know me then you know how hard that is for me to admit to myself, to Scott or to even say out loud.

I have been struggling with feeling like I am inadequate at fulfilling my responsibilities as a wife, a new mother, a daughter of God and as the first counselor in the Young Womens Presidency. I have wondered how I could do any of these things when I could barely make it through the day without crying, manage to do at least one of the following: look presentable, have a fairly clean house, make meals, read the scripture, put in the time to have meaningful prayers, write down Abby's milestones, exercise, etc..

Today my visiting teacher (and YW's president) and I talked on the phone for a few minutes and the thoughts I have had about the baby blues perhaps being a little more serious than I thought were solidified. AND IT'S OKAY. I have to keep telling myself that. IT'S OKAY TO STRUGGLE AND IT DOESN'T MEAN THAT I AM A BAD WIFE OR MOTHER OR ANYTHING ELSE. IT's just the way it is and perhaps I need to cut myself a little slack.

Phew! I just needed to put those thoughts out there in the universe and admit that I'm struggling. While I may never ask for help from people other than family (which is hard enough) just being able to "say" that I am struggling is a huge step for me.